[PG13] Dream State by Katie

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I wrote this from a dream I had a while ago. Kind of personal story, but I love how it turned out. Also Its pretty sad for the most part. Let me know what you think.
-K

Chapter 1

I can’t believe I actually got up the courage to come here. To come to her brother’s wedding, that same brother that hasn’t seen me in two months. I’m momentarily hiding in my car because I don’t know if I can face them just yet but I can see the wedding party milling about the yard. But she’s nowhere to be found. I’m startled out of my thoughts by somebody tapping on my window.

Turning my head, I see it’s her father standing there dressed in a tux. Opening the door, I’m a little scared because I don’t know how he’s going to react. Or if she even told her parents. But even before my feet can swing out and touch the ground, his hand is there, offering me support. And I know then that he knows. Struggling to stand up, he offers his other hand and pulls me to my feet. But I can’t look him in the face because I know if I do, I’ll start to cry again. That’s what took me so long to get here.

I feel his hand on my shoulder, a squeeze of comfort and I lose it again. His muscular arms pull me into a gentle hug and he just lets me cry. He knows why I’m here. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the wedding. He’s accepted me into his daughter’s life and that brings a small smile to my face. After my sixth breakdown of the day, he slowly urges me up the path to the house, to her, all with a gentle smile on his face.

Slowly walking up the path to the front porch, I try and gather my thoughts. But what do you say to someone who broke up with you? There’s no easy saying or question or something that won’t bring up a memory. Or make you laugh hysterical when you realize its not the right time.

But then I see her. She’s sitting on the steps of the front porch, dressed in a soft green dress. Tears are streaming down her face as she pours her heart out to her mother. God how did it come to this? I should be the one comforting her. But I can’t, she won’t let me. She won’t even talk to me. And I can’t figure out what hurts more. That she walked away when I needed her the most or that she’s hurting just as much as I am. I keep my distance, not really sure why I’m here to begin with. Her mother notices me standing here and makes an excuse to go back inside the house.

‘Will you be okay, honey?’ her mother asks.

And all she does is shake her head no, new tears falling from her eyes. Leaning her head against the railing I watch as she closes her eyes in an attempt to keep her body from trembling as new sobs pour out. I know she’s miserable but she looks beautiful sitting there.

Taking a tentative step forward, I realize she hasn’t noticed my presence yet. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Gazing down over my body, I run my hands over my growing stomach. This was something that we were supposed to do together, to go through everything as a couple. That’s what broke us. This small innocent life, messed everything up. There are times where I absolutely hate that I’m pregnant, that it messed everything up. But then I realize that I won’t ever be fully alone even if it feels like it. This beautiful baby girl is going to depend solely on me and that’s incredibly scary.

Sitting down next to her, I try and decide if I should attempt to comfort her or just let her cry. I make a motion to draw her into my body when her voice stops me.

Shaking her head, eyes still closed, she chokes back a sob as her soft voice fills the silence, ‘Please don’t.’

And all I can respond with is, ‘Okay.’ Taking a deep breath, I catch her perfume. It’s a mixture between lavender and Sweet Pea. It’s my favorite smell, especially on her. It brings tears to my eyes as I realize this is the closet we’ve been in almost two months.

I hear her take a deep breath, trying to will her emotions to calm down before she ask, ‘Why are you here?’ as she takes in my appearance.

I finally look at her face, into her eyes, those green eyes that I love so much, are full of tears, ‘I don’t know anymore. It seemed like a good idea at the time,’ shaking my head, I struggle to stand up, pulling my body up with the help of the railing. ‘Sorry, I’ll um, I’ll just go.’ Wrapping my arms around my body, I can feel her eyes on my body, watching my every move. I just want to turn and kiss her softly on the lips but I know it’s not possible.

I make it down the stairs, walking carefully towards her brother. Just to wish him luck. But her arm catches mine, stopping me in my steps. I stumble slightly, not expecting to be caught off guard. I feel her arms wrap around my waist keeping me upright, from falling. I have to close my eyes as new tears fall down my face.

Relaxing into her embrace, momentarily finding the comfort I needed and so desperately yearned. I can tell she missed this just as much as I have as she buries her head in my hair. Slowly and painful I unwrap her arms from my waist, turning to look her in the eyes, only to find more tears. Reaching up I carefully wipe them away, letting my hand stray a moment longer than necessary before murmuring, ‘I have to go’ and once again walking away from the woman I love more than anything else.

I find her brother over on another set of steps. He looks shocked to see me here and ever more so when he takes in my growing stomach. He looks like he’s about to question it but I just shake my head. Now’s not the time for questions even though I highly doubt they’d be listened to if I answered them. I wish him the best of luck and go to walk back to my car when he pulls me into a tight hug.

Whispering in my ear, ‘I know you’re upset, I can see it on your face.’ I shake my head, disagreeing with him, but its no use, ‘I can see how you long to be in her arms again, to kiss her, even to tell her you love her and that you’ve never stopped.’ and on that little line, my emotions break free. Struggling to pull away, he just hugs me tighter, running his hand over my back whispering for me to take deep breaths. But I can’t. I can’t breath right anymore because the pain is so unbearable.

Whispering to him through gasping breaths, ‘I need to sit down. I don’t think I can stand up anymore. Please, I nee…’ and that’s the last thing I remember.



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Chapter 2 [switches point of view]


I hate the fact that I’ve been dragged to yet another wedding. Let alone my own brothers. My mother seems to miss the fact that I don’t really feel like celebrating, that I don’t care if he’s happy, because I’m not. I haven’t been happy in two months, because right now I’m just miserable. I just yelled at my grandmother because she thinks I should suck it up and be happy for him. I told her I couldn’t do it anymore. [Almost told her she could go to hell.] It was just too hard.

Walking outside onto the porch, I welcome the overly humid air. I can’t stand being inside the house any longer. I honestly don’t know where I want to be. Everything’s so messed up. Sitting down on the front steps, I watch the cars drive by. And I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here or how long I’ve been crying either. The tears are streaming down my face, pooling onto my lap.

I hear the door behind me open and close as someone walks out. They sit beside me, pulling me close and that unleashes a new round of tears. I’m shaking from crying so hard. I realize it’s my mother as she whispers soft words trying to get me to calm down but I can’t.

Pleading with her, ‘Make it stop hurting, please just make it stop’ but I know she can’t. No one can, because I did this to myself. I broke up with the one person I loved more than anything else all because she told me she was pregnant. I know there’s more to the story but it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. And all that’s left is a big gaping hole full of broken pieces. But it’s entirely my fault.

I feel her loosen her hold of my shoulders, pulling me upright once again. I feel like a dead weight, but I can’t bring myself to look into her eyes, because I’m afraid she’s going to tell me ‘I told you so’.

All she does is ask, ‘Will you be okay honey?’

And I can’t find my voice. Shaking my head no, I hear her walk away again. Leaning against the railing I can’t stop the new tears from rolling down my face. I know then that she’s behind me, I can smell her shampoo, even at a distance and that’s what hurts the most. That this is the closest we’ve gotten in two months. And it’s still all entirely my fault.

I’m bracing myself for when she finally gets the courage to walk over to where I am. Part of me is tempted to just ask her. But I can’t do it. I can feel my body shaking and trembling more as each new sob racks my body. I can tell she’s afraid to walk over, feel her hesitating even without looking. But finally I feel her presence next to me, hearing her sigh in content as she sits down. The smell of her shampoo is so overwhelming that I can’t stand it.

She makes a move to pull me into a hug, but I don’t think I’m strong enough for that. Not right now. Its funny how I can sense what she’s about to do without even looking at her. I shake my head, trying to plead with her not to try when I secretly want her to. My voice is what stops her from trying. I softly tell her, ‘Please don’t.’ before the tears take over again. And I can already see the hurt rush across her face.

She hesitates, taking a deep breath before saying, ‘okay’. And it hurts even more that we can’t talk to each other anymore, that we lost that little spark. I’m trying desperately to calm myself down but its no use. Especially when I hear her take in a sharp breath as she whimpers slightly, knowing full well she’s crying. And I know then that we’re both in pain and miserable. But it’s still my fault.

Turning slightly I open my eyes and look at her. And I almost lose it again. Her hair is pulled back ever so slightly, just enough so it’s out of her face. Her face holds that magnificent glow that comes with being pregnant. And she looks absolutely radiant despite her tears.

Taking another deep breath I ask, ‘Why are you here?’ knowing full well that my mother had invited her here, not that I mind. But it still hurts to see her, makes my heart ache. Her eyes darken as new tears spill out and I know that was the wrong question to ask. But I don’t know what else to say.

She shakes her head slightly, looking down at her lap, ‘I don’t know anymore. It seemed like a good idea at the time.’ She looks at me once more before struggling to pull herself up via the porch railing. I desperately want to move and help her up but I can’t make myself move. She’s back on her feet, wrapping her arms loosely around her body. I can tell she’s trying to say something but we’re both lost, unsure of what to say.

She turns back to me, sighing heavily, ‘I’ll um, I’ll just go.’ I watch as she wraps her arms tighter across her body. And I can tell she’s about to lose it. She turns away, walking off towards my brother, arms still wrapped around her body. She’s shaking slightly and I can’t stand it anymore. Pushing myself up off the steps, I hurriedly walk over to her. I catch her arm and it throws her small body off balance. Moving quickly, I wrap my arms around her waist, steadying her, praying she doesn’t fall.

My hands are resting just under her stomach and I can feel the baby kicking ever so softly. Her body is still shaking, trying to keep her tears at bay, but I know its not working. We stand there for an unknown amount of time slowly realizing it’s going over that special allotted time. I feel her soft hands unwrap my arms from her waist, bringing more tears to my eyes, because I don’t want to lose that warmth, that comfort.

She turns looking me in the eyes, reaching up to gently wipe my tears away and all I can do is whimper slightly. Her hand lingers a moment longer than needed but its comforting. She whispers, ‘I have to go’ before her hand drops and she hurriedly walks away towards my brother.

I don’t know what to do. I desperately want to go after her but I’m scared because I don’t know what to say to her anymore. How can you carry on a conversation with someone you love when you were the one that broke up with them? I watch from a distance as she talks to my brother. And I’m shocked when he pulls her into a hug. Even more so when I can tell she’s sobbing into his chest and it hurts that I’m not the one who’s comforting her. I walk over to them, slowly getting up my courage to talk to her again. But it all goes out the window when she collapses in his arms.


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Here's another section for you guys, its short. But its probably sadder than the rest.Get ready to possibly break out the tissues if you haven't already. This switches to I guess 3rd person, no idea what it really is.... anyway enjoy.
-Katie

Chapter 3

He looks up at his sister, silently asking her what he should do. She just nods her head and points to the other house, indicating her room. Lily slowly walks into the house as John gently cradles Abby’s body into his own and follows.

Once in the room, he gently lays Abby down on the bed before turning to his sister knowing full well that she’s about to lose it. She’s standing there, tears running down her face as her shoulders tremble and it breaks his heart.

Pulling her into a hug he whispers softly, ‘It’ll be okay. She’ll be alright, you know that right?’ and all she can do is shake her head slightly.

Her voice cracks, laced with tears, ‘This is all my fault, all of it. And it hurts so much, I just wish I could make it stop hurting.’

He pulls her closer, trying to give her some of his strength. But he knew that only Abby could give her the strength she really needed. Those two were inseparable until they learned Abby was pregnant. Then it all fell apart.

He leaves her to tend to the woman she loves more than anything, briefly returning with two glasses of water. He pauses kissing his sister on the forehead before gently shutting the door on his way out.

She’s still standing in the same spot, watching the woman she loves lying on the bed unresponsive. Finding her courage she carefully walks over to the bed, silently debating if she should sit and wait or climb into the bed next to her. She knows the answer before her mind realizes and carefully lies down next to Abby. Gently moving her hair out of her face, Lily leans her head back, taking a deep breath, trying desperately not to cry anymore. But it’s no use. Abby whimpers slightly but doesn’t wake up. She realizes this might not be the best time to apologize but she needs to, to get it off her chest. To get the pain she feels out in the open. And silently pray that they’ll be okay. Even after two months.

She takes a deep breath, her one hand running through Abby’s hair, the other resting on her growing stomach. She gently whispers, ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I wish you knew that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. I just miss you so much. I feel like I lost a part of myself when I lost you. And that hurts so much because I just don’t know what to do anymore. I long for the days where I could take you in my arms and tell you everything would be all right. Even if deep down we both knew that was a lie.’ She pauses, taking a deep breath as new tears spill down her face. Shifting slightly, she continues, ‘I wish I could just kiss you, letting you cry and tell you that everything will be all right. But I know it’s going to take time, I just hope that you can let me back in. I’m sorry I messed us up. I’m so sor…’ She breaks off, sobbing, trying to catch her breath. She moves Abby’s hair out of her face again, leaning over she kisses her lightly on the lips. Lying back down besides the woman she loves Lily gives up trying to stop her tears. Clutching a pillow into her chest, she closes her eyes, thinking back on happier times.




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